I was thinking that people are like ants.

We scuttle and scurry everywhere like the next minute is going to be our last, but actually we are just covering very little ground. In the end, when we look at ourselves from afar, we are just a little corner of the universe, maybe a distant speck viewed from an alien's telescope. Many things feel massive to us and impact us so deeply but we are actually rather...dispensable?? Like, the human body is so fragile and weak. It can be destroyed within seconds; crushed in a horrific car crash or melted by flames or consumed by a hungry predator wtf.

Okay that was really morbid LOL I apologise.

 It feels like we are only indispensable to the people who love us unconditionally. Because others whom we share conditional relationships with will probably be able to find someone else who can fit their requirements and meet their needs. Yet if someone cares for you just for you, they will miss you not because of what you offered them but just because they miss having you around. I wonder if such relationships exist though...We are all so codependent on one another in one way or another.

I was also wondering if there is any thought inside my head which is completely, utterly mine. One that wasn't planted there by a media product or influenced by other people. The thing is, it's so easy to get swayed by someone else's opinions. You know how sometimes you hear a friend mentioning their POV and you start thinking, oh yeah good point? And then you begin to think along those lines and change your initial mindset. It's good to have an open mind I guess, but it also means you have a tendency to become flaky right? Then you won't really have a fixed set of beliefs you know for sure will hold true in your life no matter the circumstances. >(

Sometimes I'm not sure if what I feel is something I really think or something I want to think. It's like having to decide between the person you are and the person you want to be. Does it count as hypocrisy if you behave against instinct because you think you should, even if you don't exactly want to?

I don't think it does. But it sure feels like it.

I was thinking that people are like ants.

We scuttle and scurry everywhere like the next minute is going to be our last, but actually we are just covering very little ground. In the end, when we look at ourselves from afar, we are just a little corner of the universe, maybe a distant speck viewed from an alien's telescope. Many things feel massive to us and impact us so deeply but we are actually rather...dispensable?? Like, the human body is so fragile and weak. It can be destroyed within seconds; crushed in a horrific car crash or melted by flames or consumed by a hungry predator wtf.

Okay that was really morbid LOL I apologise.

 It feels like we are only indispensable to the people who love us unconditionally. Because others whom we share conditional relationships with will probably be able to find someone else who can fit their requirements and meet their needs. Yet if someone cares for you just for you, they will miss you not because of what you offered them but just because they miss having you around. I wonder if such relationships exist though...We are all so codependent on one another in one way or another.

I was also wondering if there is any thought inside my head which is completely, utterly mine. One that wasn't planted there by a media product or influenced by other people. The thing is, it's so easy to get swayed by someone else's opinions. You know how sometimes you hear a friend mentioning their POV and you start thinking, oh yeah good point? And then you begin to think along those lines and change your initial mindset. It's good to have an open mind I guess, but it also means you have a tendency to become flaky right? Then you won't really have a fixed set of beliefs you know for sure will hold true in your life no matter the circumstances. >(

Sometimes I'm not sure if what I feel is something I really think or something I want to think. It's like having to decide between the person you are and the person you want to be. Does it count as hypocrisy if you behave against instinct because you think you should, even if you don't exactly want to?

I don't think it does. But it sure feels like it.

My name is Felicia and my dearest ambition is to bounce on clouds while eating Twix.

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