Recently, I've been trying to put aside some time every night to do some reading. Not really anything that would help academically, but I guess it's also good in a way because I'm getting tired of everything being about A'levels. It seems to have infiltrated every single aspect of my life...my mom's favourite question these days whenever she sees me is: "Why are you not studying?"

But anyway.

I read The Lovely Bones last weekend and honestly, it made me remember why I liked reading in the first place. The story itself was so bizarre; I was constantly wondering where the characters were headed to and the climax never seemed to come. But it was also terribly compelling, in a way that left me feeling disoriented after I finished it in one sitting.

The whole idea was just so morbid. How can someone just kill off a person for their own selfish, sadistic tendencies? Can you imagine dying through no fault of your own, and subsequently watching your loved ones fall apart from above? Seeing it happen before your eyes is one thing, but not being able to do anything about it is probably what takes the cake. I would much rather lose consciousness and never return to the human world, if I had to witness things I can never have again.

This probably sounds odd, but sometimes at night I'd think about how it would be like to pass away. It's something we'll all have to face eventually, but there are so many ways to go. We forecast the weather, we guess at lottery numbers, we can even predict national examination scores for the coming year. But for ordinary people with no health risks or terminal conditions, can we actually tell, with certainty, when our time is up? (Sure, we have our life expectancy figures for each country, but there's no saying that a person wouldn't become the lone statistic at the other end of the spectrum.) Who could tell us what comes after? Does it really differ from person to person? Would it be like closing your eyes and going to sleep and losing yourself? Do you wake up as someone else? Would you know if you woke up as someone else? Or would I go to heaven? Is there a heaven for me, if I'm not religious? What kind of heaven would it be, if there is one, and who would I see there? How long would I have to stay?

Humans always like to say that they have amassed knowledge about such things over the centuries, but to me, I feel like all we have are theories and hypotheses that we cannot know for sure. In this aspect, I kind of admire those who can find comfort and sanctuary in their faith. Maybe that's why religion is so important for so many people? To know that there is some order in this chaos?

I try to remind myself that it's okay, that I'm still young, and there's no point thinking about things I won't know until the time comes. But that doesn't stop me from imagining my own funeral every now and then. Crazy, in a way, but I like to think that I'm not alone.

Recently, I've been trying to put aside some time every night to do some reading. Not really anything that would help academically, but I guess it's also good in a way because I'm getting tired of everything being about A'levels. It seems to have infiltrated every single aspect of my life...my mom's favourite question these days whenever she sees me is: "Why are you not studying?"

But anyway.

I read The Lovely Bones last weekend and honestly, it made me remember why I liked reading in the first place. The story itself was so bizarre; I was constantly wondering where the characters were headed to and the climax never seemed to come. But it was also terribly compelling, in a way that left me feeling disoriented after I finished it in one sitting.

The whole idea was just so morbid. How can someone just kill off a person for their own selfish, sadistic tendencies? Can you imagine dying through no fault of your own, and subsequently watching your loved ones fall apart from above? Seeing it happen before your eyes is one thing, but not being able to do anything about it is probably what takes the cake. I would much rather lose consciousness and never return to the human world, if I had to witness things I can never have again.

This probably sounds odd, but sometimes at night I'd think about how it would be like to pass away. It's something we'll all have to face eventually, but there are so many ways to go. We forecast the weather, we guess at lottery numbers, we can even predict national examination scores for the coming year. But for ordinary people with no health risks or terminal conditions, can we actually tell, with certainty, when our time is up? (Sure, we have our life expectancy figures for each country, but there's no saying that a person wouldn't become the lone statistic at the other end of the spectrum.) Who could tell us what comes after? Does it really differ from person to person? Would it be like closing your eyes and going to sleep and losing yourself? Do you wake up as someone else? Would you know if you woke up as someone else? Or would I go to heaven? Is there a heaven for me, if I'm not religious? What kind of heaven would it be, if there is one, and who would I see there? How long would I have to stay?

Humans always like to say that they have amassed knowledge about such things over the centuries, but to me, I feel like all we have are theories and hypotheses that we cannot know for sure. In this aspect, I kind of admire those who can find comfort and sanctuary in their faith. Maybe that's why religion is so important for so many people? To know that there is some order in this chaos?

I try to remind myself that it's okay, that I'm still young, and there's no point thinking about things I won't know until the time comes. But that doesn't stop me from imagining my own funeral every now and then. Crazy, in a way, but I like to think that I'm not alone.

My name is Felicia and my dearest ambition is to bounce on clouds while eating Twix.

Layout by: babypenguin
Best viewed in Google Chrome.
Screen resolution: 1024 x 600
Main sources: ▲ ▲ ▲