Whatever goes up has to come down
Monday, October 29, 20129:39 PM
Life has been a series of ups and downs lately.
Okay, scratch that. It has always been this way, I
guess.
It’s just that this emotional rollercoaster is
seriously driving me insane. One minute I’m feeling perfectly okay like nothing’s
going to ruin my day, then the next second I’m on the verge of tears and one
straw away from losing it. There’s not a single day where I don’t experience a
whole spectrum of emotions, ranging from joy to fury, excitement to
disappointment, contentment to depression, and the list goes on.
Right now, I’m feeling this strange kind of void
within me, like I’m missing something but I can’t put my finger on exactly WHAT
has gone wrong. That’s pretty much the problem-there isn’t anything wrong,
technically speaking.
There’s no reason for me to feel so troubled all the
time. There’s nothing I can blame this empty feeling on. Yet it still exists.
And it’s not like I can banish my feelings to some
foreign land whenever I want to. All those self-help books my mom constantly
pushes onto me claim that you can control your mindset, you can take full reign
of your life, you can (insert motivational saying here!) But it’s not as
easy as they make it out to be!!! You can’t just tell yourself “I’m feeling
good!” and suddenly the world is all sunshine and rainbows, right!?!?!
(That was rhetorical, by the way.)
Can I just assume that by some ridiculous law of
nature, teenagers are biologically programmed to experience such angst every
now and then? Is this normal, or am I certifiably crazy? Is everyone else living
on a bed of roses, or are they simply doing a better job at hiding it?!
Anyway, emotional woes aside…I think I’m going to be
promoted!!! :D Crossing my fingers, not daring to believe it, hoping it’s not a
bad thing for me in the long run since J2 is probably going to kill me…but
yeah, that’s one huge consternation down. Before promos, I promised myself that
I would cherish the opportunity if I really made it and work doubly hard to
improve my grades next year. I’m not aiming for high grades, because I know
that it is realistically impossible at this point. But at the very least, I
want to be able to face myself after every test without feeling any regrets. I’ve
had enough “What-Ifs” and “If-Onlys” so far.
Also, I just celebrated my birthday weekend with
family and friends ^^ To me, my birthday is just another normal day which happens
to signify the moment I was born into this complicated world, 17 years ago. It
is the people who try to make it special for me that I will always remember and
be thankful for. I just wish I could have expressed my gratitude better :')
Wow I realize this post covers quite a few topics. Off to watch more movies on Funshion and spam chocolate to get rid of The Empty Feeling Inside! (hopefully)