Tonight is a night of zibei-ing haha.

I can't do Chem, I can't do Math, what else is new? Just the fact that now it seems like I can't get Econs, Bio and GP either.

I'm not smart, I'm not hardworking, I lack self-discipline and tend to procrastinate too much. I haven't excelled in any area before,  and I've never once had a skill that I was really good at, or stumbled upon a passion that I wanted to work hard at. I haven't accomplished much to make my parents especially proud of me, and I haven't done anything particularly outstanding in my life.

I can't even draw straight lines with a ruler, for goodness sake.

There are so many high-achievers in HC, especially since there are like guys and JAE ppl, so the contrast has gotten even starker. I mean you have people who can sleep during lectures and when they go home to read their notes they understand everything, and then you have people like me who try to stay awake during lectures and still have no idea what's going on. And all I can think about is, how come everyone seems to do it so easily? Is there something wrong with me?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really cut out for such a rigorous academic life. More often than not I feel like I'm drifting along everyday on the outside, going wherever the wind blows and just making the best out of whatever situation I land in. Then I look around me and everyone just seems so...I don't know, secure? Secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, they belong where they are?

I wish I could have that kind of security and self-assurance someday. And I'm trying to work on it, because I don't want to be a wet blanket who whines about life all the time and emos in a corner everyday. But it's just so difficult and I don't know if I can ever get rid of the insecurities within me :/

Tonight is a night of zibei-ing haha.

I can't do Chem, I can't do Math, what else is new? Just the fact that now it seems like I can't get Econs, Bio and GP either.

I'm not smart, I'm not hardworking, I lack self-discipline and tend to procrastinate too much. I haven't excelled in any area before,  and I've never once had a skill that I was really good at, or stumbled upon a passion that I wanted to work hard at. I haven't accomplished much to make my parents especially proud of me, and I haven't done anything particularly outstanding in my life.

I can't even draw straight lines with a ruler, for goodness sake.

There are so many high-achievers in HC, especially since there are like guys and JAE ppl, so the contrast has gotten even starker. I mean you have people who can sleep during lectures and when they go home to read their notes they understand everything, and then you have people like me who try to stay awake during lectures and still have no idea what's going on. And all I can think about is, how come everyone seems to do it so easily? Is there something wrong with me?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really cut out for such a rigorous academic life. More often than not I feel like I'm drifting along everyday on the outside, going wherever the wind blows and just making the best out of whatever situation I land in. Then I look around me and everyone just seems so...I don't know, secure? Secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, they belong where they are?

I wish I could have that kind of security and self-assurance someday. And I'm trying to work on it, because I don't want to be a wet blanket who whines about life all the time and emos in a corner everyday. But it's just so difficult and I don't know if I can ever get rid of the insecurities within me :/

My name is Felicia and my dearest ambition is to bounce on clouds while eating Twix.

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