Growing up
Wednesday, January 11, 20127:03 PM
You know how sometimes you feel like time is passing way too fast for comfort?
Yeah. I'm totally getting that feeling right now.
I know I'm always whining and groaning about how I can't believe in another few days we're all heading towards The Institution That Shall Not Be Named In This Blog. But it has finally hit me, like a sledge hammer, that I'M REALLY, SERIOUSLY, TRULY entering the next phase of my short life!
In Secondary 1, graduating felt so freaking far away, and it was so hard to imagine myself wearing the JC uniform just like all those seniors with their sporty shoulder bags and colourful shoes. It didn't really register with me that yes, I was in an IP school and I would be going to that separate universe eventually. I think I felt like I had enough on my plate then-who would worry about what was happening in another 4 years?
But now that we're inching slowly towards A levels, I realise that I shouldn't put off thinking about my future anymore. Like, seriously contemplating possible options, instead of merely having a vague impression. As I was telling ZY, I had a really demoralising talk with my (soon-to-be-ex) boss the other day.
B: So you took Science stream right?
Me: Ya.
B: So you're intending to be a doctor next time? Go into medicine?
Me: ...Um, I haven't decided yet. (Are you mad? Have you seen my grades?!!!)
B: What?! You still don't know!? *looks horrified*
Me: (thinking hard on how to make amends but coming up blank)
B: You must start thinking now, you know? Have one or two career paths you want to take, then start planning on how to achieve it. (yakyakyak about how his son did that and is now studying law, blablabla about how planning is impt for at least 15mins)
I swear, he was almost hyperventilating at the end of his talk. He looked so disappointed in me, I actually felt ashamed until I remembered I hadn't even committed any heinous crimes in the first place.
We've all had those discussions with our friends about how great it would be if we could grow up and find jobs that would not only relate to our passions, but also offer us a luxurious salary. I mean, it's practically everyone's dream, right? To do something you really like, and not having to worry about anything else? And I'm pretty sure all of us, by now, would have given some thought to what subject combination or even university course would suit us in future. But what happens if you really don't know what's best for you?
I could always ask my parents to decide, since I seem to be unable to do so myself. Yet there's this little nagging thought at the back of my mind that goes, "How can someone make such a decision on my behalf? Isn't it my future at stake?!" I don't really want to let other people, even if they're my parents, determine my own life for me.
Maybe I'm thinking too much into it, because choosing the wrong subjects right now might not necessarily mean a lifetime of regret or whatever. But I envy those who have a clear goal in mind, who know exactly what they want to see in their future and are already working hard towards it. It makes me feel irresponsible for procrastinating so much!
On a side note...
Call me shallow, but I'm so, so glad we're finally going to wear sleeves for the next two years.