I finally don't have to attend training since nationals are over. And since I don't intend to join squash again in JC, there's really no point in practising hard anymore. This means I have more time to do whatever I like, whether is it to pull up my socks and study harder so I won't flunk, or being able to slack off the afternoon, having it all to myself.

There's a whole world of entertainment out there to explore, like shamelessly stalking people on Facebook and getting random useless tidbits of information on Twitter, maybe even drooling over pictures on Tumblr (I HAVE ONE NOW! FOLLOW ME ASAP OR ILL BE STUCK WITH 6 PATHETIC FOLLOWERS). Or spamming videos on Youtube and looking for more novels to read, be it from the library or Internet. And not to mention the drama serials I have yet to begin watching!

Yet I sometimes get struck by a sense of boredom.

I never imagined myself actually saying this, but I'm really, really bored!!!

It first dawned upon me on Tuesday this week, when I was going home alone. I never thought I was someone who HAD to have human company all the time, especially on the bus, where I've always liked listening to music and just zoning out for that half hour or so. Some of my friends cannot stand taking bus themselves, or even walking to the bus stop without someone by their side; for some of them, it doesn't even matter who. As long as there's a person walking beside them, somehow it was evidence that they weren't loners or something and instead were vivacious social butterflies. I could understand why they felt that way, because I sometimes feel as if by eating alone I'm proving that I'm socially inept.

But I didn't have a problem with taking a bus home myself. Until Tuesday.

The wind was like blowing and the leaves were brown and falling all over the ground from the trees above, and the sky was kind of darkening, and there were only a couple of random strangers at the bus stop along with one other NY girl. AND I FELT THIS REALLY STRANGE SAD FEELING COME OVER ME!! Like my heart was going to burst because the scene was quite pretty (like autumn) but I was all alone with nobody to hang out with after school. I was so looking forward to having 2 more free days a week, but then I had forgotten that unlike Monday, when there are actually friends who are free to accompany me and eat ice cream or whatever, everyone else has stuff to do on Tuesdays!

It didn't help that the bus was also really quiet and oddly empty, which was surprising because usually I would be elbowing my way through heavy schoolbags and people who insist on standing in front of the door, thereby blocking the path of incoming passengers, or breathing in stuffy suffocating CO2-concentrated air and getting my personal space invaded by stinky elderly ahpeks. And sometimes there were also aunties using their imitation Gucci bags to shove unsuspecting victims away from their path to an empty seat. You can practically see the determination gleaming in their eyes!

But I was just alone on the bus, me and the driver and some passengers who, unlike me, actually have things to do on a bus. Texting people on their phones, sleeping soundly while salivating (multi-tasking, as you can see), reading a book, or at the very least, listening to their music. And it just happened that I didn't bring my earphones, so I couldn't even listen to a song without subjecting everyone else to my taste in music. I couldn't message anyone because everyone else had CCA or something else on.

It was the loneliest bus trip, ever.

And when I got home, I cheered myself up thinking if I couldn't have real human company at the moment, I did have the virtual world too! Only after 15minutes I was desperately refreshing Ebuddy, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, hoping, begging, for ANYTHING, ANYONE, to appear on the screen. You see, everyone else had something better to do. Except me, apparently. And I switched to staring at a Youtube homepage, trying to think of some video/movie/drama I felt like watching. When that failed, I turned to Goodreads, hoping to find a new book recommendation, but none sounded interesting. Then I spent the rest of the day staring at a blank Google search, fingers poised on the keyboard, waiting for something to search for.

Of course, I can always do homework. Or exercise. But my heart just sinks at the thought of having to STAND UP to get my file, let alone drag myself downstairs to do some physical activity. Okay this sounds like I'm a sloth or something, but I assure you I'm just exaggerating.

So in conclusion, what am I going to do!? I can't say I want CCA to start again, that's stretching it. But more and more I'm feeling as if I don't have a purpose, like a goal in life I want to pursue. I feel so bored and aimless and also disturbed that I can't even spend an afternoon alone. I feel like others are rushing along busying themselves with their responsibilities and having no time to stop, but here I am idling away at the back trying to catch up but with nothing left to chase with.

At least I have remedials and peer-tutoring, I guess. I can't believe I'm already at this stage where I can feel happy at the thought of remedials. This is so sad.

I finally don't have to attend training since nationals are over. And since I don't intend to join squash again in JC, there's really no point in practising hard anymore. This means I have more time to do whatever I like, whether is it to pull up my socks and study harder so I won't flunk, or being able to slack off the afternoon, having it all to myself.

There's a whole world of entertainment out there to explore, like shamelessly stalking people on Facebook and getting random useless tidbits of information on Twitter, maybe even drooling over pictures on Tumblr (I HAVE ONE NOW! FOLLOW ME ASAP OR ILL BE STUCK WITH 6 PATHETIC FOLLOWERS). Or spamming videos on Youtube and looking for more novels to read, be it from the library or Internet. And not to mention the drama serials I have yet to begin watching!

Yet I sometimes get struck by a sense of boredom.

I never imagined myself actually saying this, but I'm really, really bored!!!

It first dawned upon me on Tuesday this week, when I was going home alone. I never thought I was someone who HAD to have human company all the time, especially on the bus, where I've always liked listening to music and just zoning out for that half hour or so. Some of my friends cannot stand taking bus themselves, or even walking to the bus stop without someone by their side; for some of them, it doesn't even matter who. As long as there's a person walking beside them, somehow it was evidence that they weren't loners or something and instead were vivacious social butterflies. I could understand why they felt that way, because I sometimes feel as if by eating alone I'm proving that I'm socially inept.

But I didn't have a problem with taking a bus home myself. Until Tuesday.

The wind was like blowing and the leaves were brown and falling all over the ground from the trees above, and the sky was kind of darkening, and there were only a couple of random strangers at the bus stop along with one other NY girl. AND I FELT THIS REALLY STRANGE SAD FEELING COME OVER ME!! Like my heart was going to burst because the scene was quite pretty (like autumn) but I was all alone with nobody to hang out with after school. I was so looking forward to having 2 more free days a week, but then I had forgotten that unlike Monday, when there are actually friends who are free to accompany me and eat ice cream or whatever, everyone else has stuff to do on Tuesdays!

It didn't help that the bus was also really quiet and oddly empty, which was surprising because usually I would be elbowing my way through heavy schoolbags and people who insist on standing in front of the door, thereby blocking the path of incoming passengers, or breathing in stuffy suffocating CO2-concentrated air and getting my personal space invaded by stinky elderly ahpeks. And sometimes there were also aunties using their imitation Gucci bags to shove unsuspecting victims away from their path to an empty seat. You can practically see the determination gleaming in their eyes!

But I was just alone on the bus, me and the driver and some passengers who, unlike me, actually have things to do on a bus. Texting people on their phones, sleeping soundly while salivating (multi-tasking, as you can see), reading a book, or at the very least, listening to their music. And it just happened that I didn't bring my earphones, so I couldn't even listen to a song without subjecting everyone else to my taste in music. I couldn't message anyone because everyone else had CCA or something else on.

It was the loneliest bus trip, ever.

And when I got home, I cheered myself up thinking if I couldn't have real human company at the moment, I did have the virtual world too! Only after 15minutes I was desperately refreshing Ebuddy, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, hoping, begging, for ANYTHING, ANYONE, to appear on the screen. You see, everyone else had something better to do. Except me, apparently. And I switched to staring at a Youtube homepage, trying to think of some video/movie/drama I felt like watching. When that failed, I turned to Goodreads, hoping to find a new book recommendation, but none sounded interesting. Then I spent the rest of the day staring at a blank Google search, fingers poised on the keyboard, waiting for something to search for.

Of course, I can always do homework. Or exercise. But my heart just sinks at the thought of having to STAND UP to get my file, let alone drag myself downstairs to do some physical activity. Okay this sounds like I'm a sloth or something, but I assure you I'm just exaggerating.

So in conclusion, what am I going to do!? I can't say I want CCA to start again, that's stretching it. But more and more I'm feeling as if I don't have a purpose, like a goal in life I want to pursue. I feel so bored and aimless and also disturbed that I can't even spend an afternoon alone. I feel like others are rushing along busying themselves with their responsibilities and having no time to stop, but here I am idling away at the back trying to catch up but with nothing left to chase with.

At least I have remedials and peer-tutoring, I guess. I can't believe I'm already at this stage where I can feel happy at the thought of remedials. This is so sad.

My name is Felicia and my dearest ambition is to bounce on clouds while eating Twix.

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